I gave away my horse's blanket this week. Her winter blanket. A friend needed one pretty quickly as winter decided to move in early this year.
It's weird for me not to have to struggle anymore with the overwhelming thoughts of "do I blanket her?" or "Do I go home and take it off because it’s gotten too warm?" I woke up the other morning and thought, "Oh I better find out where her blanket is." I had to stop and remember that my horse died three months ago.
I've written about her before and I won't rehash my thoughts about losing her again, but when you’ve had an animal for 21 years it's very hard to not let the emotions rise to the top.
I'm glad I had her all those years. She was my saving grace more than once. She gave me an outlet and took me so many places. I'm so very thankful to have had her. I'm also thankful to have had the opportunity to give something away and feel good about it.
I've been trying to come to terms with the fact the things that clutter my home and fill our storage container are just that, stuff. The memories are in my brain and my immense photo collection. Sure, the stuff elicits the memories, and it makes me feel good when I see it, but do I really need it?
Someone asked me the other day if I'd watched the barrel race they had on TV. Questioning this person further, I figured out what he'd watched. The next question out of his mouth was, "are you done with barrel racing?" I said that I hadn't entered a barrel race in probably 7 years. I’m not over that part of my life, but it doesn't fit at this moment. I could make it fit if I really wanted to, but I just feel like there's a time for it later. Something keeps telling me to just be patient.
Something is also telling me it's ok to let go of some of the stuff that I'd had for my horse. Stuff that I no longer need. No, I'm not selling my saddle. There's a poem that makes the rounds on the internet from Don Bishop (at least that's one person credited to putting it out there). It goes, "Don't sell your saddle. Don't give up on your dreams. Take time to see 'em through. There are no easy trails. Hard work makes dreams come true. You'll make it through the tough times. Friends will stick like glue. Don't ever sell your saddle. Dreams won’t give up on you."
I'm not giving up on my dream any time soon, but the right time and horse will have to come my way first. I will be patient.