Jerry Nine

The best news I have heard on quarantine is simply quarantine the news media from being able to put any news out for a month. Then our problems will probably heal up a lot quicker.

The last figure I saw on our current virus mortality rate is 2.1%. And it has been said many times the novel coronavirus affects older people and those with health problems. The Spanish flu mortality rate is 2.5% and the severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) is 9.5%. The MERS-CoV (Middle East Respiratory Syndrome) is 34.4%. And the avian influenza is 39%.

On Monday early some fat cattle traded at $105 per hundredweight but before the end of the day the packers gave $110. I have heard some quit selling at $111 and started asking $115 per hundredweight. And again that broken record figuring the quote even for Select beef price and a yield of only 64 was over $138. That figures no cattle grading choice and a lower yield than they will have. And figures no value of offal.

Monday cattle futures started down the limit and about noon had rallied to a positive figure of 200 points, but in the last hour fell down the limit. Tuesday it was up most of the day the limit but at this time an hour left in the trading so I’ll just hold my breath.

The wheat is growing and is green—that is one positive thing.

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table. She leans down and gives the husband a big kiss on the lips. The wife said, “Who the heck was that?” The husband replied, “She’s my mistress.”

The wife says, “That’s the last straw. I want a divorce.” The husband said, “Alright, but there will be no more shopping trips to Paris. No more wintering in Barbados. No more Lexus in the garage and no more yacht. It is your decision.”

Then a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on the arm. The wife asked her husband, “Who is that?” He said, “That’s his mistress.” The wife said, “Our mistress is prettier.”

The graveside service barely got through when all of a sudden there was a huge loud thunder and quickly it was followed by a lightning bolt that came to the ground. Then the husband said, “Well, I guess she finally got there.”

Editor’s note: Jerry Nine, Woodward, Oklahoma, is a lifetime cattleman who grew up on his family’s ranch near Slapout, Oklahoma.

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