Problem:

Juanita

I have a problem being patient. I can be short with people because the bottom line is I really have a problem waiting. It seems like I have always been this way. My husband is embarrassed by my straightforward manner. I do not see a reason to change. I do get better service, but I think it might be time for a change. I can come across abruptly and somewhat aggressively. I guess it seems like there is not much time to get everything done. I’m pressed for time so maybe that is part of the deal.

Discussion:

I would say that if your husband is saying that he is embarrassed by your behavior, it deserves examination. It seems that you are using an aggressive technique to get your needs met. I will say that aggressive people are often pushy and they do get what they want in the moment. The truth is that most people do not like to be around aggressive people. It is a style of communicating that is demeaning to others a lot of the time. If you recognize that you are impatient and somewhat aggressive it probably is time for you to make changes.

The more appropriate style is assertive communication. This style is about sharing opinions and respecting other people. When you move towards assertiveness and honoring others, you ask the question, “Would I like to be treated this way and talked to in this manner?” If not, hush until you find a way to be respectful. If you have been one of those people who had a tendency to blurt, just slow down and take a breath then speak. It takes practice to be assertive, but it is a skill you can learn. If you realize that communication can be a win—win situation, you might realize and notice that your relationships with other people changes. We all want to be respected, and to gain respect we must give respect.

It is the law of karma in action what I send out comes back. Think about this—what are you sending out? If your intention is to have your way and get what you want, it might work for awhile but you are not building relationships.

P.S. Think before you blurt!

To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at jsanchez1448@sbcglobal.net or through High Plains Journal.

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