Problem:

I am in a real bad place. I am not sure whether or not I am right or wrong in a family situation and I am reluctant to move forward after treatment I have recieved from my mother-in-law, and husband.

My husband and his mom have always been close, and that is not unusual, as they are a close family. My husband shared information with her that I felt she had no reason to know. We discussed it after the fact, and I was upset and hurt. I won't go into detail, but it was personal information abou our marriage or at least, so I thought.

I found out that my mother-in-law shared this information with my sister-in-law, her daughter. The reason I know this is because my sister-in-law called me to discuss "our marital problems." I am so upset and how his sister is calling us to fix us up. Where does this nonsense end? My life is my life and should not be the topic of conversation with his family.

I don't know what to do or how to act. I am angry with him and his family, and this has only made the tension between us more extreme. He has apologized, but does not think he did anything wrong. My husband says if he hurt my feelings he is sorry, that just does not quite cut it with me. Where does he get off with this crazy attitude of his that hi supports his family over me? He says they are just trying to help. Well it would help me if they would butt out of our marriage.

Discussion:

It sounds lik there is a problem, but mostly between you and your husband. I am going to recommend that you see someone soon. You are not getting anywhere with your upset feelings and his less than objective look at the situation.

When we are too close to a situation we lose something and that something is objectivity. We can no longer see the forest for the trees--more or less. There is generally something else that comes into play here and that is a person wanting to be right. It sounds like you both are un willing to concede a position, and you are not moving ahead, because you can't seem to see how the other person is feeling or thinking.

You need someone who can look at the details and help you communicate more effectively. In this case, I don't think it is so much who is right, but about neither one of you being able to understand the other person's point of view. Find a good marital counselor who can help you understand not only the problems in the marriage, but some of the extended family issues.

Tip:

Try to be objective. Give up on being right, so that you can be heard. Ask for help when it is needed, from someone who is objective and "neutral."

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