Choose your friends wisely
Problem: I have a friend that tells me things that I find unbelievable. I am not sure she is trying to lie, but these things she tells me are just simple things that I catch her sort of stretching. I am several years older than her, and she simply exaggerates how young she is compared to me. She has made some rather nasty comments, and then just shrugs them off as if to say that she did not mean it "that way." Most of the time she does this in front of others, and usually she is aiming at me with her comments.
I have decided to take her off my friend list because of this little bit of crazy that she does. I feel that I should give her the benefit of the doubt, however I also feel that she has taken a lot of my time, just trying to figure out how to answer some of her outlandish stories. I've only known her for a year or so. She seemed like a nice person, and also we worked together.
Am I wrong to want to avoid someone who is so complicated? I do not have a lot of time for this kind of thing, but maybe I am being unkind. This has been going on for over a year now, so it is either time to get on, or fix this.
Discussion: I am not sure that this is an actual friendship. Sometimes people are just not going to be our friends for whatever reason. Most friends do not lie to us and stretch the truth for hidden motivations. A good friend is someone who likes us as we are, and does not expect us to conform to them. They do not talk badly about us, they support us and like us even when we are less than perfect. I do not think you are describing a friendship.
Many times you find that people can be likeable and seem reasonable, but other behaviors do not fit. I cannot tell you to dump this friend but I would seriously ask whether or not you feel respected in the relationship. Since respect is one of the criteria for friendship, think about it. Are you being respected. What do want and what are getting ?
Another issue may be the issue of passive aggressiveness. This a difficult issue to pin down, as the perpetrator rarely takes responsibility for the behavior. They usually are dong back door manipulative behavior and looking quite innocent in the process.
I do not believe that avoiding people who have behavior that is out of bounds is bad, no matter who it is coming from. Choose your friends wisely, because at the end of the day you still must respect yourself.
To submit problems contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at jsanchez1448@sbcglobal.net or contact the High Plains Journal.
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