Never wear a white bathing suit
By John Schlageck
Kansas Farm Bureau
Before we all become buried in the new year, let's look at this new beginning with a bit of humor. Plenty of people trot out their lists of resolutions. Often, such lists are as long as their arms and last as long as their pinky.
I've all but given up on New Year resolutions. Seems I can't keep them either. But this year I've decided to do something different. I've compiled a list of "lesser" resolutions--some things I believe I can accomplish in 2013.
Here's what I will try to work in my new year:
Remember that no time spent with your children is ever wasted.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
Never laugh at anyone's dream.
Don't wash a car, mow a yard or select a Christmas tree after dark.
When traveling, take two big safety pins so you can pin the motel drapes shut.
Always accept a breath mint if someone offers you one.
Keep the porch light on until the family is in for the night.
Rehearse a joke before you tell it.
Always try the house dressing.
Believe in love at first sight.
Send your mother-in-law flowers on your spouse's birthday.
Buy ladders, extension cords and garden hoses longer than you think you'll need.
Steer clear of any place with a "Ladies Welcome" sign in the window.
Once in a while invite the person in line behind you to go ahead.
Exercise patience when behind the wheel of your vehicle--hand gestures are out of the question.
Own a hammock and use it often.
Never be photographed holding a cocktail glass.
Give people more than they expect and do so cheerfully.
Be as friendly to the janitor as you are to the board chairman.
Overestimate travel time by 15 percent.
Never wear a white bathing suit.
Don't miss a good idea simply because you don't like the source.
When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
Trust in God, but always lock your car.
Have a wonderful 2013.