(Aug. 7)—As you are probably aware by now, that coffee shop I go to early in the morning two days per week does cover a lot of variety of conversation. This morning the conversation went all the way from drinking too much as a kid and then trying to stay awake on that ole hot tractor without a cab to trying to pass a kidney stone. That first part immediately tells you that the farmer is getting some age on them because now any kid would turn their parents in for child abuse if they even suggested they drive a tractor without a cab and air conditioner. And soon they will turn you in if you ask them to drive one without GPS. They will soon say, “You mean I have to steer this tractor?” That farmer remembered falling asleep in the middle of the field after drinking too much beer the night before and on that hot tractor and then waking up and plowing way out in the center of the field. And then just hoping that Dad didn’t come check on you before you could cover up that mistake. Another older farmer said as a kid he learned why a one-way plow went one way and why Dad said he would work out the corners. But naturally the kid thought that was stupid so he just turned the tractor the other way to work out those corners and soon the plow had climbed up the tire but luckily it got stopped before it came over the top of him. Unfortunately, Dad got there to see that as you don’t just simply back up.
Another told of not shutting the gate where he was plowing as those milk cows surely wouldn’t be able to beat him back to the gate. But he realized he was going to have to drive that tractor faster so he unhooked and put it in road gear. He hit the one-way ditch across the field, throwing him in front of the tractor. Luckily, it straddled him when the tractor ran right over the top and he jumped up and caught the tractor. He said, “Dad might not have known, but that pin that held the plow on made a nice crease down my head.” And of course Mom came out there when he was trying to wash the blood off his head in the cow tank. All of us at the table suggested the tractor must have run over his head—we were just guessing. By that time the women started showing up at the coffee shop. Something was said about a woman having a baby. I said, “Oh, yeah. You women just want to act like that is a big deal since you know that we men can’t contest it.” Then one of them said, “We just want to be there if you are trying to pass a kidney stone.” Then another woman laughed and said, “Yeah, and when they are trying to crush it.” And I said, “I hope you are talking about the kidney stone and nothing else.” We all got a good laugh. But I won’t be surprised if I get another letter from the woman who thought my columns were a little vulgar, so I better go read that verse in Romans like she suggested.
Editor’s note: Jerry Nine, Woodward, Okla., is a lifetime cattleman who grew up on his family’s ranch near Laverne, Okla.
Copyright 1995-2014. High
Plains Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Any republishing
of these pages, including electronic reproduction of the editorial archives
or classified advertising, is strictly prohibited. If you have questions or
comments you can reach us at
High Plains Journal
1500 E. Wyatt Earp Blvd., P.O. Box 760, Dodge City, KS 67801
or call 1-800-452-7171. Email: