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By Jerry Nine

(Oct. 17)--A friend of mine went to the dentist the other day as he had a terrible toothache. He said to the dentist, "Just pull it." The dentist said, "You are right. It needs pulled, but I need to give you a shot first." This friend said, "No, I do not want a shot. I hate shots, so just pull it." The dentist said, "Well, let me give you some laughing gas so you will not feel the pain as much." This cowboy friend said, "No, I do not want any gas or anything--just pull it." So the dentist them handed him a pill. This cowboy said, "This pill is blue. It looks like a Viagra pill." He said, "Doc, I do not need any help in that area--it is my tooth that is hurting." The dentist said, "I am aware of that and it is a Viagra pill, but this is going to hurt and you are going to need something to hold on to."

Several times I have written about wild cattle. And most of us that sort cattle at the sale are amazed that some still breed heifers that are wild. I did receive a text this week from a rancher that said, "I understand what you are saying about keeping gentle heifers for replacements. But I have noticed over the last 20 years or so that as our cattle get more gentle they also get much sicker as calves." That is the second time that has been said to me. The other time a consignor from Arkansas brought his feeder cattle to the sale. Without trying to offend him and just blurt out, "Your cattle were wild as heck," I said, "Your cattle had quite a bit of spunk." He responded by saying, "I think if they don't have a little fire then they don't have much potential for raising a good calf." I wasn't exactly sure whether he was talking about the mothering ability and wildness of keeping predators from getting their calves or what his objective was. There are very few times I keep my mouth shut when I should but that time I did. If calves that are wild do not get sick as easy, I know two or three consignors that should never have to doctor one.

There's a rancher who comes into the cafe every morning. He always makes a big deal about making sure he has strawberry jelly for his toast. So for quite some time it has been a joke as to whether we would hide all the strawberry so he couldn't have it simply because he wanted it. Well, the cafe had run out of those little individual packets of jelly. So for a few days they had jelly from a big jar that had been put in small, individual clear containers. We knew he would be coming in very soon so we came up with the idea to mix some jalapeno juice with strawberry, leaving only one and lots of grape. The stage was set. This cowboy does nothing fast. He orders breakfast and has toast. We all eagerly watched him, trying not to be too suspicious. After 40 minutes, he finally got the strawberry and proceeded to spread it on his toast. He took a bite then held the toast out two feet away from his head with a puzzled look and said, "This is definitely not Smuckers." The whole table laughed, as a joke is always funny and even funnier on someone else.

Editor's note: Jerry Nine, Woodward, Okla., is a lifetime cattleman who grew up on his family's ranch near Laverne, Okla.

Date: 10/22/2012


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