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After marriage, dating still important"Couples who stop dating after getting married miss opportunities to nurture--and strengthen--their relationship," said Charlotte Shoup Olsen, Kansas State University Research and Extension family systems specialist. While it's true that relationships can suffer before marriage, as couples get wrapped up in wedding planning and fail to take time to relax and enjoy each other's company, the challenges of everyday life ahead of them often can be best met when a couple makes time to nurture their relationship along the way, Olsen said. Settling into a newly married routine, adjusting to a job change or move, anticipating the birth of a child, raising a family through various stages while coping with work, school and community schedules, and/or the needs of extended family can strain the very relationship that has been the basis for the family's life together, she said. "Make time for your relationship," said Olsen, who recently paired with Peg Condray, a K-State family and consumer sciences agent in the Central Kansas Extension District, to discuss dating and nurturing relationships. "Scheduling time to be together is essential," echoes Condray, who, in her role as an Extension agent helping singles, couples and families, has become increasingly aware of the everyday stresses that can test--and damage--relationships. Together, the two family advisers offer the following tips for making a successful date: --Set a time and date for couple time, and protect it. --Mix it up--try not to do the same thing (like dinner and a movie) for every date. --Allow quiet time to talk, but leave conversation about children, family issues, home repairs, politics and money at home. --Practice listening intently. Try not to rush to finish a sentence or cut off a thought or idea. --Build on a common interest--or explore a new one. --Don't let cost be an obstacle. Consider trading childcare responsibilities with friends or neighbors to allow each couple time off. --Be creative. A date need not be costly. Packing a picnic lunch and walking or biking to a park or other pleasant setting to enjoy lunch--without interruption--can be a great date. --Be yourself, but keep the other person in mind. Think back to early dates, when you were just getting to know each other: What attracted you? What have you enjoyed together? And, how can you build on it? --Make it fun; walking the dog together, with or without a stop for coffee or a soft drink, can give a couple enough time to make a connection. --Celebrate everyday blessings, and build on gratitude. A positive attitude can be catching. "A couple's relationship sets the tone for the family," said Olsen, who noted that children can pick up on parents' stress or tensions. More information on managing personal and family relationships is available at county and district K-State Research and Extension offices and on the Extension website: www.ksre.ksu.edu.
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