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Fatherhood in the land of Make-BelieveDads with daughters do a lot of pretending throughout their fatherhood career. It starts in the hospital when a dad pretends to listen as the nurse explains the care and feeding of this new pink bundle entrusted in his care. Meanwhile, inside, he's contemplating car seats, college funds and contingency plans. Eventually, as she grows, the dad feigns an interest in dollies, stuffed animals, and playing dress-up. He tries not to show how girly hair ribbons, lace and the color pink confuse him. Instead, he bravely asserts his manhood, swallows his pride, and sits at a child-sized table and sips pretend tea out of cups the size of his thumb. Daddies with daughters know how to interpret the crayon drawing, how to tell bedtime stories, and how to give the best piggy-back rides--even if in reality they have none of those skills. They learn to fake it well, though. He may not know a thing about female hairdos, but the dad of a daughter soon masters how to put hair into a passable ponytail. He has no clue how to match clothing, so he relies on the standby of dressing his little girl in jeans and a T-shirt for daddy-daughter runs to the tractor supply store. Most importantly, he figures out the key phrase that will save him time and time again from now on--"Sweetie, you look so pretty!" Dads of little girls will fake bravery in the face of all dangers. It doesn't matter what job he has in real life, at home he's always the "knight in shining armor" to slay the monsters in the closet. Even if he has no idea just how exactly to capture a renegade snake, or spiders give him the willies, he pretends to have just enough courage to wrangle any creature that invades his daughter's territory. He saves his personal "willies" dance for when he's alone. A daddy of a little girl has to pretend to understand the overwhelming draw of the Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana on his growing princess. He bluffs his way through the random after-school questions about algebra homework and the social caste system of junior high girls. He tries not to show his disappointment when his little angel would rather spend the night at her friend's house rather than go on the annual daddy-daughter fishing trip. In an Oscar-worthy performance, the dad handles his little girl's first date with calm. Instead of glaring at the upstart and interrogating him about his intentions, the dad sends them off with a wave and a reminder to drive safely. And then spends the rest of the night pacing the floor whenever his wife's out of the room. A father of a young woman has to learn a whole new set of acting skills when she leaves the house. As she drives away to college, he smiles and waves while a little piece of his heart drives away with her. He listens on the phone as she talks about her new life, and never lets on that he misses the sound of her voice at the breakfast table. When she brings home "The Guy" he has to smile and welcome him, even if he knows he isn't right for her. A dad bites his tongue instead of risking his daughter's unhappiness. And, when "The Guy" is eventually replaced with "Mr. Right," he swallows the need to say "I told you so." Indeed, from the moment the doctor announces, "It's a girl," daddies have to do a lot of pretending about a lot of things. From lumpy clay ashtrays, to bad boyfriends, fathers do a lot of bluffing of their true feelings in order to spare their daughters'. But there's one emotion no father of a daughter ever has to fake. It's love. Jennifer M. Latzke can be reached by phone at 620-227-1807, or by e-mail at jlatzke@hpj.com.
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