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Potlucks are key to family statusI'm the daughter and granddaughter of good, steady, Midwestern Methodist farm wives. They had spotless houses, clean children, and at least one go-to, never-fail recipe to wow their fellow Midwestern Methodist farm wife neighbors. Afterall, if I learned anything from them, it's that a family's status in the community is directly proportional to the dish one brings to the church potluck. Okay, so maybe I exaggerate. However, I've heard tales of bad macaroni salad costing job offers, loan approvals, school board elections and, once, the key parking spot at the local elevator. Who really wants to risk that sort of reputation-kill? Call them "covered dish" suppers, or "socials," but across the Midwest any community gathering is a call for the potluck dinner. In fact, we have a rule back home. If you have more than three farmwives together for a meeting, there must be a Jell-O salad, fried chicken and four different desserts waiting in the kitchen for afterward. No matter what you call them, though, there are rules one should follow for a successful potluck. First, to truly be accepted by your peers, your dish must be homemade, it must appeal to the general public's taste, and, if you can't make it yourself, at least fake it well. My own family has never faked a dish (that's my story and I'm sticking to it) but I've heard of others taking such short cuts. And really, who's going to know that you bought a pre-made salad at the grocery deli counter, plopped it into a pretty bowl, added a garnish or two, and claimed it as your own concoction unless you tell someone? Only the brave can get by with this technique, though. So, if you're going to go this route, for heaven's sake have the decency not to do it halfway. For example, do your bowl transfer at home, in a dark closet, preferably while the rest of the family is out. Burn the evidence of the store containers. And, if you're caught, don't be afraid to bribe your children and spouse to keep the secret. As for your dish's taste, good potlucks have gone horribly awry with bad cooks trying out new recipes on unsuspecting neighbors. I once had a helping of a casserole that included kielbasa sausage, shrimp, creamed corn, carrots, broccoli, lima beans and cheese, with a crumbled potato chip crust. I still have the nightmares. The second rule of the potluck is just as important--practice good food safety techniques. No one wants to spend the family reunion doing the "Bad Mayo Two-Step." We all know to keep our hot dishes hot and our cold dishes cold. But, we forget to thoroughly cook that ground beef or to check the expiration date on that mayonnaise. Therefore, it's best to hose down your kitchen in bleach, wear disposable gloves, and prepare your dish in a full hazmat suit, if available. You can't be too careful, folks. But, if the worst happens, remember the three keys of food safety crisis--deny, misdirect, and flee. As in: "Oh, no, I didn't bring the potato salad with the diced hard-boiled eggs and paprika, swimming in a warm sea of mayo. Say, have you tried that divine 17-layer chocolate cake with the white chocolate sprinkles and the caramel dipping sauce? Excuse me a second, I think I hear my husband/child/mother/spiritual advisor/voices in my head calling me." Finally, and this cannot be stressed enough, be aware of your local potluck etiquette standards. For example, let the elderly go first in line and help them with their trays. Not only do you look like a polite neighbor, but you also have a valid excuse for cutting in line. Remind young children it's impolite to shout, "Ewwww, gross! Who would put carrots in Jell-O?" Afterall, the person who put the carrots in the orange Jell-O may just be standing behind them, and the church pastor, as well. And, to ensure no more intergenerational cross-county family feuds, mind the serving dish law. Only take home serving dishes and utensils that belong to your family. Nothing kills a good potluck reputation like being labeled as the "Tupperware thief" of the county. Follow these guidelines and you too, can guarantee your family's social standing for years to come. Or, at the very least, keep your good, steady, Midwestern farm wife respectability intact. Jennifer M. Latzke can be reached by phone at 620-227-1807, or by e-mail at jlatzke@hpj.com.
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