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Children's loss and griefA child's reaction to loss is different than that of an adult, and varies depending on their age and level of development. Children under the age of 3 years do not really understand the underlying reasons, but do feel that something has changed. Their response is related more to the reactions of their parents and others. Ages 3 to 5 also sense that something has changed or that someone is absent, and will ask questions as to "why." They may also show anger or unreasonable fear. Ages 6 to 8 have a better understanding of the specific loss, but may have unrealistic expectations, such as fantasizing that someone who died will come back. Ages 9 and older are able to understand the finality of a loss, and may even feel guilty or in some way responsible. Parents and other adults can help children work through their grief by first explaining the situation in terms that are understandable, depending on the age of the child. Give them time to absorb the information, ask questions, and to express feelings. Help them to deal with feelings of guilt or responsibility for the loss. Keep to regular routines as much as possible such as daily activities, school, and other events. Be a good role model by expressing your own grief honestly, and letting your child know that grieving is normal for all ages. Open communication and continual reassurance are keys to helping children cope. While people tend to associate grief with death, it is important to remember that many kinds of loss can result in grief. Probably one of the greatest and often unrecognized causes of childhood grief results from parental separation and divorce. Other causes include physical or mental disabilities, chronic illness, loss of hopes and dreams, loss of a relationship, loss of pride, loss of self-image, or loss of an idealized role model. Children, especially young children, often express their feelings through actions rather than words. Behaviors that may indicate a problem include long-term denial of the loss, reacting with anger or withdrawal, extended periods of depression, loss of interest in daily activities, unrealistic fears, aggressive behavior, obsessive activity, and unprovoked violence or inexplicable destruction of property. When a parent has concerns about a child's behavior due to loss and grief, a school counselor or local mental health professional can provide information and assistance. Contributed by Karen Schueler, MS, LCPC, Manager, PEO-Prevention, Education and Outreach Dept. Mail questions to: High Plains Mental Health Center, PLAIN SENSE, Prevention, Education, and Outreach Department, 208 East 7th, Hays, KS 67601; or visit www.highplainsmentalhealth.com. 10/13/08 Date: 10/7/08 Advertisement
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