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Put the 'Happy' back in 'Happy Holidays'Sharing is an important component of the holiday season, yet family traditions and time together can be more likely to thrive in an environment that embraces the growth and development of the family, a Kansas State University specialist said. A schedule that worked for families with young children isn't likely to cut it with active teens and young adults who are starting their own families, said Charlotte Shoup Olsen, K-State Research and Extension family systems specialist. Suggesting a change in holiday routines may not spark holiday cheer, but doing so is important in nurturing the family and each of its members, said Olsen, who offered this example: Expecting adult children with young families to share their holiday with two (or more) sets of parents and grandparents and eat two--or more--holiday dinners in one day puts way too much pressure on the young family. It also may put pressure on everyone else who must adhere to a tight schedule to make it work. "Re-thinking holiday plans and making some changes with respect for changes in the family can help to put the 'happy' back into the holiday season," she said. "Bringing up the topic can be touchy," said Olsen, who advised choosing a time when family is relaxed and able to take time to consider options and opportunities. Focus on what the family will gain, rather than lose. "Encourage others to offer ideas in support of the holiday traditions that are most meaningful to them." So much of what families do--or don't do--during the holidays is based on family history, Olsen said. "Letting go of old ideas that no longer fit with the family's structure or lifestyle may take some courage, but doing so can set the stage for happy days that help to build new memories and nurture the family as it is today," Olsen said. "Saying that isn't the same as saying 'let go of--or forget--the past,'" she said. Cherish the good memories and good times, but be realistic: expecting your mother, who now is 65, to drum up the energy to prepare dinner for 20 or more, just like she's done for years, places unrealistic expectations on her shoulders, Olsen said. "Mix it up a bit. Take turns hosting the meal, and make it a potluck or, if the weather's nice, a picnic. Enjoy the fellowship, but share the responsibility," she added. Re-thinking and updating family plans as the family grows and changes can be beneficial for most, but especially important for families experiencing change, either through the loss of a spouse, partner or other loved one, illness, military deployment, divorce or separation. "Be flexible," Olsen said. "Being together and supporting each other through good times and bad is far more important that having a fixed schedule without consideration for the family it's meant to nurture." More information on managing family relationships is available at county and district Extension offices and on the Extension Web site: www.oznet.ksu.edu. 11/24/08 Date: 11/20/08 Advertisement
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