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Summer visitationsDear Plain Sense: I am recently divorced and my children will be spending part of the summer with their father, in another town. I hear about other families who have a lot of conflict over this. What can I do to make this a good situation for all of us? Your concern is well-founded, as custody and visitation issues are often a primarily source of conflict when parents are divorced, and too often, the children feel caught in the middle. Planning ahead is important. Often the anxiety involved comes from not knowing what is going to happen, so parents need to be sharing summer plans as early as possible. Good communication between all adults involved is vital, and a willingness to work together for the sake of their children. Children's feeling about visitations vary depending on their relationship with the non-custodial parent, as well as their own personal interests in how they want to spend their time. Younger children tend to eagerly anticipate the visit, and should be sent off with encouragement and a smile. As children get older, they may resent having to leave their friends during the summer, and other activities such as sports, in which they are involved in their community. It is very important for parents to recognize this change in attitude as their children get older, and to be flexible in regards to visitation time. When the young visitor arrives, the non-custodial parent and family should allow some time for adjustment to the new surroundings, household rules and expectations. Parents should also encourage their child to keep regular contact with the other parent through phone calls, letters and e-mails. Summer visitations don't have to be a time of dread if parents maintain a working relationship with each other in regards to the child. And children can relax and enjoy their time with both parents when they are included in the communication regarding plans, and feel encouraged and accepted. Contributed by Karen Schueler, MS, LCPC, Manager, PEO-Prevention, Education and Outreach Department. Mail questions to: High Plains Mental Health Center, PLAIN SENSE, Consultation and Education Department, 208 East 7th, Hays, KS 67601; or visit www.highplainsmentalhealth.com. 7/14/08 Date: 7/3/08 Advertisement
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