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Sharing successScientists who study relationships tend to focus on how couples deal with the difficulties in life such as financial problems, childcare issues, job stress, household chores, and dealing with extended family. As a result, a great deal of information has been written about conflict management and "fair fighting". For example, it is widely accepted that when people argue they should follow certain guidelines: stick to the subject of disagreement and deal with one issue at a time, treat the other person with respect (no name calling or sarcasm), and work towards an acceptable compromise or solution. In contrast to the research regarding conflict, research studies completed in the last year suggest that the way partners respond to each other's successes may be even more important for the long term health of the relationship than the way they deal with arguments. In these studies, when a person responded to a partner's good fortune with excitement and shared pride, the relationship was described as more satisfying than if the person responded passively or showed indifference. In other words, constructive support comes across much better than an attitude of competition, jealousy, or disinterest. These findings were consistent for both large victories such as a raise or promotion, and small successes such as receiving a compliment from a coworker or friend. Therefore, if partners and couples want their relationship to be happier and more satisfying, they should be not only "a shoulder to cry on" when problems come up, but should also be quick to "pat their partner on the back" when good things happen. It is noteworthy that in most relationships, positive events outnumber negative events by at least four to one, thus the opportunities to celebrate success are frequent and readily available. Contributed by Ken Loos, MS, LMLP, LCP, Prevention, Education, and Outreach Department. Mail questions to: High Plains Mental Health Center, PLAIN SENSE, Prevention, Education, and Outreach Department (PEO), 208 East 7th, Hays, KS 67601; or visit www.highplainsmentalhealth.com. 1/28/08 Date: 1/21/08
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