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Single life in farm countryAhhh, February, the month of amour in the country. It's the time of year when a farm kid's thoughts turn from spring calving to finding that special Valentine and riding off into the sunset in a John Deere combine. Only, one teensy, bitsy, minuscule glitch in the dream--you live in rural America and the dating pool is getting shallower by the day. It's not easy to be single and a farmer or rancher. There's the distance thing to overcome, and the lifestyle issues to resolve, and a list of other challenges single people have to face who live and work on farms and ranches. I feel your pain, people. Believe me, try writing for a farm publication, to which most of your dating prospects subscribe. Would you want someone to write about you in a column read by 50,000 strangers? Or, worse, if you were an ex-significant other, would you like someone to detail your low-life, two-timing, worthless hide of questionable parentage and even more questionable hygiene in a humorous rant? I didn't think so. Oh, sure, there are ways of getting a date in our little world. There are the well-meaning friends who set you up with their cousin's nephew's veterinarian's chute assistant who's "perfect, except he's got a bad credit history, three ex-wives and an I.Q. of a turtle." The co-workers who have a "great prospect, but he may be considering the priesthood so you have to get him now." And, my personal favorite, the slightly dotty older church women with bachelor sons in their 50s who swear "his roommate Steve is just a good friend." Thanks, but I'll keep looking. There are a plethora of dating websites looking to pair up singles, and some even cater to farmers and ranchers. However, after the 260th profile that starts off with the phrase, "Do ya think my tractor's sexy?" and lists preferences in a mate as "a hard-working, simple, fun-loving, sturdy gal who's not afraid of axle grease or cow pies" one tends to lose faith in technology. We get it, single farmers want Ellie May Clampett. Unfortunately, we're all not Ellie May material. So, are you looking for a cowgirl, farm girl, or rodeo buckle bunny? Do you want an Urban Cowgirl/Goddess, or would you settle for a a grain cart driver who looks good in a dress, has all her teeth and doesn't cuss? A helpful suggestion? Be specific and remember, you're looking for a potential partner, not a broodmare or hired hand. Some single people resort to their own resources when dating. But, you get to a certain age where hanging out at the rodeo dance or the local watering hole gets old. You and your gang used to close down the bars and raise a ruckus until the sun came up, but now all your drinking buddies are married and have to be home at a decent hour so the babysitter can make her curfew. You used to be the life of the party, but now beer gives you heartburn, more than two is cause for a hangover, and you realize the guy you're currently flirting with has no memory of the Reagan administration. Mom was right. One will not find Prince Charming in a bar, and all the fun really has gone out of kissing toads. I've heard tales of single farmers and ranchers finding true love in the city and transplanting their beloved partners to the country, but it seems a lot of work to go through. For example, there's the language barrier--stock options to him mean something entirely different to you. And try explaining what mountain oysters are to a guy with more suits and ties in his closet than jeans and coveralls. It's a recipe for disaster if you ask me. My only advice--from one single farm kid to another--is to keep the faith. There really is someone for everyone out there. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to call back the third cousin of my accountant's husband's aunt's dentist who's "funny and smart, but has a barely noticeable tendency to giggle when he's nervous and is a vegetarian."
Jennifer M. Latzke can be reached by phone at 620-227-1807 or by e-mail at jlatzke@hpj.com . 2/4/08 Date: 1/28/08
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