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Parents and angerAnger is a normal human emotion, experienced by all ages for many reasons. Misdirected anger can cause hurt feelings, undermining of relationships, and sometimes result in physical harm. Being a parent is very stressful; brothers and sisters fight with each other, babies cry, and toddlers like to say "no" a lot. In addition there are the stresses of daily life including a lack of sleep, job stress, too much to do and too little time. It is not surprising that a parent can feel overwhelmed and react angrily. Unfortunately their children are often the targets of that anger. Even though parents strive to be a good parent, it is not realistic to expect to be perfect. Even the best of parents occasionally lose their temper. Consider the following: --Ask yourself if the anger is a legitimate reaction to the child's behavior, or the result of something else, such as problems at work or other stressors. --Take time to stop and cool off before you say or do something you regret. Get control of your feelings by slowly counting to ten or stepping into another room or outside for a few minutes. --Look at the situation, try to determine what is really happening, and talk it over with those involved. Use "I" statements rather than "you" statements. For example say, "I am very upset about this." Instead of "You make me so angry!" --Decide who owns the problem, you or the child. Allowing a child to take responsibility for their actions is a good learning experience. --Problem solve; determine possible solutions and follow through. --Avoid lecturing and lengthy explanations; keep your comments short and to the point. Take time for further discussion after everyone is calmed down and the situation in control. --Try not to take everything personally that a child says or does. Let them know how you feel, then suggest better ways for them to react or respond. It is important for children to understand that anger is a normal human emotion experienced by themselves as well as adults. And parents do need to be a good role model, as well teach their children how to handle feelings of anger in a way that does not hurt others. Learning how to express anger in a positive manner is a skill needed throughout life. Contributed by Karen Schueler, MS, LCPC, Manager, PEO--Prevention, Education and Outreach Department. Mail questions to: High Plains Mental Health Center, PLAIN SENSE, Consultation and Education Department, 208 East 7th, Hays, KS 67601; or visit www.highplainsmentalhealth.com. Date: 4/21/08
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