Confessions of a pie judge

By Doug Rich

County fair season is over and state fairs have started. I think this might be a good time to share my ugly secret.

I am addicted to pie.

As far as I am concerned there are only two kinds of pie, hot or cold and I crave them both.

Like many people I ate pie socially and on special occasions for years without any problems.

Then I was asked to be on the local fair board. The answer was, "yes" after I learned that as a fair board member I was also a pie judge during the fair. The thought of the best cooks in the county bringing their pies to me--excuse me, the fair--made me slightly dizzy.

The first day of the fair I was able to keep my addiction under control. I acted like an experienced judge, taking one bite of each pie. Judging each entry on its merits. This was difficult since the best pie I ever tasted was also the one I had just finished eating.

After the winning pastry was chosen I innocently asked if I could have one whole piece, just to keep me going until lunch.

The next day I began hiding pieces of pie. I put one under the cash receipts from the demolition derby, another one in the drawer with the first place ribbons, and third in the hog barn--a really bad decision but I was desparate. Wrestling a prize winning gilt for a piece of cherry pie is hard work, even for an addict.

I was having trouble sleeping. My dreams were full of peach, apple, mixed berry, and rhubarb pies. I was full of pie too, which might have been part of the problem.

It was bound to happen. I hit bottom when two gooseberry pies arrived on the final day of the fair. Two pans full of a sweet, tart taste from heaven.

I immediately volunteered to deliver the pies to the 4-H concession stand. The pies never made it and neither did I.

They found me slumped against the wall of an empty stall in the beef barn with gooseberries all over my face and a dazed look in my eyes. My speech was slurred and I could hardly walk.

It's not my fault after all. I have a genetic weakness that makes me crave pie. It runs in the family, my dad was a pie eater too.

Thanks to an intervention by the 4-H council, I have turned my life around. I can enjoy the occasional piece of pie without falling into the pan.

However, my credentials as a pie judge have been revoked.

Doug Rich can be reached by phone at 785-749-5304 or e-mail at richhpj@aol.com.

B

4

9/3/07

4 Star NE

Date: 8/29/07

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