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The art of communicationMany important life skills are learned in school, while others are supposed to come naturally, yet can end up being the most challenging. For many people, communication is one of those. Today there are countless devices designed to improve communication between people (such as cell phones, voice mail, text messaging, e-mail, and instant messaging), yet it seems to be more difficult just getting our point across. In fact, some researchers say that 70 percent of all business communication fails to achieve its purpose. If the business world is having that much difficulty, what chance do the rest of us have? There are some steps we can all take to improve our communication abilities and decrease misunderstandings or arguments. First, when speaking to someone, be aware of voice tone and intensity; we may not intend to come across in a negative way but the tone and intensity will quickly determine the outcome of the conversation. Any word or statement can come across as hostile, whiney, or annoying depending upon how we say it and how loud we say it. A voice message left on an answering machine might be surprising to some people if they were to listen. Although they may deny being irritated at the time they left the message, the message comes across as angry and demanding because of the tone and intensity of their voice. Another major component of communication involves nonverbal cues, which includes eye contact, body posture, facial expressions, and hand gestures. A conversation can go well or can quickly deteriorate into conflict, depending on those factors. For example, making good eye contact, facing the person or moving closer encourages further discussion. This behavior shows that we are interested in actively listening to what they have to say. On the other hand, rolling our eyes or turning away while someone is talking will certainly discourage further conversation, and may offend and result in hurt feelings. Keep in mind that more than 90 percent of communication with others is nonverbal, and for people who are unaware of the conflicting messages their behavior conveys, this factor may be contributing to continuing misunderstandings and disagreements. Contributed by Ken Loos, MS, LMLP, LCP Consultation and Education Department. Mail questions to: High Plains Mental Health Center, PLAIN SENSE, Consultation and Education Department, 208 East 7th, Hays, KS 67601 or visit www.highplainsmentalhealth.com. 9/24/07
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