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Negative family membersProblem: My daughter in-law is a pretty negative person, and I am wondering if I am too. It seems to me that she complains a lot and often about the sad state of her financial affairs. This is not a person that does without much of anything, and it is my opinion if she would spend less that she would have more. I don't believe that it is my place to tell her though because she is my daughter in-law. I find myself being very critical of her negativity, so then I am critical too. I love my son and grandkids and his whole family as far as that goes, but this is one of those things it is hard to overcome. I think it is because I see our son work so hard to support his family, and it seems that it is not good enough for her. I feel that I am taking sides, and the truth is that I strive to be a fair person, so I wonder if I am being fair to her. Please help me with this problem, because I don't want to feel bad about this anymore. Discussion: It could be that you are personalizing the situation, because it is your son. It probably would be very helpful to remember that no one is perfect and neither are you, even though you try to be fair person. It is hard to be objective when it is family. It seems that most people who have children, love their children. Even though it is hard to imagine, most of us would probably take our own child's side over our in-law. This parental lack of objectivity could appear to you at least, that she might be putting your son down in a way. This could create your feelings of parental concern. Please understand that you can love and even like a person and still not like their behavior. It could be that your own mother in-law had issues with you from time to time. Think back to the fact that you might have had issues of your own from time to time, and maybe that will give you a better perspective, and some objectivity. Understand that we are all people who are hopefully growing and changing and becoming who we were meant to be. This seems to be the work of our lives so there may be a few bumps in the road. Try and accept her as she is and understand that your work is not with her, but with yourself. What I mean to say here, is that you may need to attend to your fair mindedness and your willingness to accept people as they are and not who you want them to be. Tip: When people are unlovable, love them anyway--they need it.
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