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Dealing with dating, relationships
Problem: Are there women out there that are looking for a man who is honest and hard working? I have dated and for the life of me, cannot figure out why I find women who are just interested in long term. I think I'm fairly intelligent and not bad looking. I treat these women with respect. At least I think I do, but it seems like they take advantage of my being a nice person, and I get the short end of things. I have heard that maybe women don't like nice guys, but that is just who I am. I'm willing to treat a woman good and take care of her, but something seems to go wrong. It usually ends up that I am doing a lot and they are doing next to nothing. Time after time, I get dumped with something like: you are a nice guy, but it isn't going to work out. This is usually after I have leant money, helped fix up their place or some other way of being nice to them. Is there something wrong with me?
Discussion: You are not really saying much about your personality, except that you like to take care of women. You have not found a compatible one yet, but do not give up hope, they are out there. One of the clear messages is, that you may be doing too much, and therefore being used. If you are doing all of the work and nothing is coming back, except it is not going to work out, something is wrong. You can't know what is going on with them, unless they tell you, so you may have to figure out what you are doing that is not working. Clearly, I find that people, who are big people pleasers, are usually doing too much for others; it is almost like they have no boundaries when it comes to doing for others. This is a terrible set up, to be taken advantage of. In any relationship each person has to do their part, and I am not sure that you are letting them. I would certainly encourage, you talk to someone, like a counselor and talk about this issue. When you have to please others you are really not counting yourself as important, and that is just not a good idea. You can help others, but you might understand if you do it all there is nothing left for them to do. Also another part of that is: most people figure out that they are taking advantage, and they don't like the guilt, so they don't like to be around those that provoke that guilt. Date: 10/29/07
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