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Single parenting and datingDear Plain Sense: I have been divorced for almost a year and have recently started dating. I'm concerned about the effect on my two young children. Young children deal with their parents' divorce with various levels of emotion, depending on their developmental stage. They recognize that things have changed, and go through much the same stages of grief and loss that affect adults. Helping your child cope with these feelings can prepare them for positive growth through these experiences, followed by acceptance, and eventually with the ability to deal with other changes, such as parents dating or remarrying. Divorce can cause a child to worry about being abandoned, since they have now been witness to their parents leaving each other. So when a parent (especially the custodial parent) begins dating, those feelings may resurface. Dating brings changes in the daily living schedule that can create insecurity for a child; keeping up household routines and schedules as much as possible will be comforting. Now that another person is taking some of your time, be sure to allow for personal time with your children so they won't feel they are losing you or your attention. Children need continuing reassurance that they are cared for and loved. A single parent with young children should be thinking about how a new relationship affects everyone involved, especially if the situation becomes long-term and serious. Anyone who is around the family and home will bring considerable and various influences. Young children won't always be able to understand why their parents do what they do, nor is that necessary. But talking about new relationships, and asking for their opinions and ideas will help them to feel involved, rather than ignored or of little value. Contributed by Karen Schueler, LCPC, Manager, Consultation and Education Department. Mail questions to: High Plains Mental Health Center, PLAIN SENSE, Consultation and Education Department, 208 East 7th, Hays, KS 67601; www.highplainsmentalhealth.com. Date: 6/19/06
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