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The care and feeding of cowpersonsSo, you've acquired a new partner, eh? He followed you home from the sale barn and now you want to keep him. She caught your eye at the rodeo dance and you just had to bring her home to meet the parents. But, there's only one catch to riding off into the proverbial sunset. As a non-rural, urban, self-proclaimed normal person, you have no idea how to care for endangered creatures such as these. What's a concerned dude or dudette to do? Never fear, I can help you with my new book entitled The Care and Feeding of Cowpersons. For only $19.95, plus shipping, handling, and the title to your luxury SUV, I can help you find your way to eternal happiness in a few short chapters such as: --Housebreaking, which covers the social and psychological importance of marking his territory in your front yard, and explains why she prefers cleaning barn stalls to bathtubs. --Obedience Training, detailing the proper techniques to keep your cowboy or cowgirl out of public fights and how to break the bad habits that drive you crazy. This chapter covers how to get your significant rural other to quit chewing, smoking, drinking or learn to take off his or her muddy boots before tracking barnyard muck into your pristine house. --Communication, a chapter that takes an in-depth look at the common communication errors in urban/rural partnerships. There's a section devoted entirely to the meaning of the two most popular excuses, "I'll get to it later" and "What do you mean I spend more time with my horse/dog/cowherd/cotton patch than with you?" --Proper Nutrition and Health Care, which discusses tricks to getting your loved one to eat his or her vegetables and how to sneak exercise into their daily routines. This chapter also discusses the importance of a recommended daily dosage of gravy to a cowboy or cowgirl's nutrition. --Rewards and Socialization, a chapter reminding the reader that a happy cowboy or cowgirl is a well-socialized creature and needs regular supervised play dates, such as a jackpot roping or farm auction in order to be a productive partner in the relationship. Readers who have used this book have claimed it has helped their relationships immensely. Sarah from Sioux Falls, S.D., wrote: "I had the most horrible time housebreaking my Hubert, but after reading your chapter on the proper way to teach him about the wonders of indoor plumbing, he was using our facilities like a pro! Now, our marriage has been saved and the lilacs by our back porch have never looked healthier." Reid from Reno said: "I'm an accountant in the city, and my girlfriend regularly left me home by myself on the weekends to rodeo. I read your book, and now I understand her overwhelming urge to "chase cans." I now share her vision, a doublewide trailer, and my paycheck so she can accomplish her dream." Tammy Sue from Topeka, Kan., added: "I started seeing a 35-year-old bachelor rancher six years ago, and he had issues with commitment and finishing projects he'd started. Three years ago he started renovating my house and he never got further than the demolition phase. It was a disaster! After reading your book and using a few of your training tips, I finally have the engagement ring and the finished bathroom addition to my house I've been wanting for three years. Thank you!" The first 500 orders will also get the companion volume, Why does my City Guy/Girl do That? Jennifer M. Latzke can be reached by phone at 620-227-1807, or by e-mail at jlatzke@hpj.com. Date: 1/9/06
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