Honorary aunthood

Nothing changes a friendship between two women more than marriage and family.

I'm the last single woman in the group of my college buddies. A fact that doesn't entirely bother me right now. I'm content with my life as it is, thank you. But, there is something remarkable about observing your cohorts as they transform from free spirits into parents.

At first, you help plan weddings, bridal showers and bachelorette parties because that's what good pals do for each other when one of them takes the commitment plunge. For a few months the world revolves around The Dress, the colors and the cash bar at the reception. On the big day toasts are made to the bride and groom, dances are danced, and the bridal bouquet is tossed. The celebration makes for one great party to remember, but it feels like just another blow-out bash. No big change, you think.

But then, something odd happens. Right after your best friend returns from her honeymoon you realize that your friendship will never be the same. Your once single sidekick is now a part of a couple, and one member of the couple can't just toss things into an overnight bag and drive off for a weekend of girlie fun. So, you accept this, and if you're really lucky you grow to like the guy who's now a permanent fixture in your chum's life. You visit them on the weekends and start having grown-up parties that entail wine that doesn't come out of a box, cheese that doesn't come from a can, and furniture that actually matches. You laugh at the pictures in the scrapbook of nights on the town and youthful silliness of the past.

Then, the second wave of change hits. Your best friend announces she's going to have a baby. Great, you think, how will I ever have time with my buddy, now that she's to become a Mommy? Girls night out will never be the same, that's for sure. No more wild road trips to Vegas, or spur-of-the-moment shopping excursions. You will have to listen to stories about midnight feedings, diapers and those mysteries surrounding childbirth that single women would otherwise like to block from their minds.

But, you stick by your friend. So, now you plan the baby showers and buy tiny little outfits for the new addition. You support your pal when she panics about being a good mother. You marvel with her over the tiny kicks coming from her belly. And all the while you wonder and worry about your place in the friendship.

Then, sometime between laughing at her weird food cravings and getting that midnight phone call that she's in labor at the hospital, something amazing happens.

Your life as a best friend has just taken on a whole new meaning.

The first time you hold her little baby in your arms, you realize that you would literally crawl over broken glass for this tiny miracle. You may not be related by blood, but it doesn't matter. Because, this beautiful girl has your buddy's eyes and her smile. And, you look at your best friend and you realize that she was just as worried about this new development in your relationship as you were. And you both laugh because you were so ridiculous.

Because, trust me, it gets even better. As your honorary niece or nephew grows up you get to be the auntie that always has candy in her purse, who buys the toys that make noise, and gives the best hugs. You get to watch as this little person transforms your goofy and carefree friend into a responsible member of the PTA and someone who pours over consumer reports on the safest car seats and buys life insurance. And, you get to share the joys and the sorrows of parenthood--the first tooth, the first day of school, the first bucket calf at the fair, the first date, graduation, moving to college and more.

Yes, it's scary when buddies grow up and life starts to alter the parameters of a friendship. And, sometimes even the closest of friends can't survive major life changes. But, if you're lucky enough to have friends with kids you have a wonderful blessing in disguise.

I know I do.

Jennifer M. Latzke can be reached by phone at 620-227-1807, or by e-mail at jlatzke@hpj.com. She lists three boys and three girls among her amazingly gifted honorary nieces and nephews.

Date: 4/12/06

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