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Vacation shopping sprees
I'd like for someone to explain why it is that when a tourist visits a gift shop, all rational thought seems to leave the brain.
You see, in your hometown, you'd never spend $20 for a shirt that says "My brother visited the Grand Canyon and all I got was this lousy T-shirt." Yet, on vacation, you suddenly feel as if your life will not be complete unless you fork over $49.95 for a coffee mug you'll never use; a set of postcards you won't send; a pen that runs out of ink in two days; and a T-shirt that says "I left everything but this shirt in Las Vegas."
The marketing power of tourist attraction gift shops is astounding and must be researched. For example, would any rational person pay $12.95 for a collectible clock in the shape of Elvis Presley, with his hips serving as the pedulum if she found it in a discount store rather than at a Memphis gift shop? The thinking behind the creation of this souvenir alone is mind-boggling, nevermind the impetus that caused me to buy it when I toured Graceland in 1996. In my defense, I blame it on the atmosphere. I was lucky to get out of there without the souvenir gold lame jumpsuit that was available in sizes small to XXXL.
I'm almost ashamed to admit some of the things that I've brought home from trips. And, really, folks, let's be honest--most of this stuff is destined for the garage sale before it even gets rung up at the cash register, but we can't help ourselves. I've got friends with cupboards full of plastic Eskimo Joe cups from Stillwater, Okla., and drawers of Hard Rock Cafe t-shirts that never get worn. Not to mention the closet collections of shot glasses, hats and plastic tomahawks made in China.
Through the ages, though, there are certain rules for souvenir shopping that seem to be true.
Rule No. 1: The farther you travel from home, the odder the souvenirs you choose to bring home. For example one of my friends brought home from her trip to Europe a bootleg "blessed" rosary that she bought in St. Peter's Square and this scrub brush holder in the shape of a wooden shoe from Holland. She can't explain what made her buy these. I think it was the exchange rate that bamboozled her brain. A sidenote to this rule is that the more you don't understand about the exchange rate of the U.S. dollar, the more you're willing to spend on a Mexican sombrero you can't fit in the overhead compartment of the plane.
Rule No. 2: The older we get, the stranger the souvenirs we choose to purchase for our friends and family. Another friend told me about her grandmother, who brought back from her world travels, a coffee mug from Switzerland for a five-year-old (along with the admonition that "coffee stunts your growth") and used chopsticks from China. This rule also probably explains why grandparents have a strange attraction for T-shirts that sport any gaudy combination of glitter, sequins, and blinking lights controlled by a battery pack.
Rule No. 3: The younger we are, the more attached we are to certain items bought on vacation. I was about seven when my family traveled to South Dakota. We stopped at Wall Drug in Wall, S.D., where I used some of my allowance to buy a travel deck of playing cards in a souvenir plastic case, which was made in China. I still have that deck almost 20 years later. I've had several chances to part with it at a garage sale or two, but it's still in my possession. This same rule of attachment also goes for fake coonskin caps from Tennesee and mounted jack-a-lopes from any northern state. Why these things have space in our attics and basements is one of the great mysteries of our time.
Rule No. 4: If you have a collection, you feel compelled to add to it on your travels. On that same trip to South Dakota, my obsession with collecting spoons began in the gift shop of Mount Rushmore. Nearly 20 years and three spoon racks later, my collection is still going strong. Of course, there are rules to it--I'm the only one allowed to add to the collection, and they must be spoons from places I've visited. Who knew a $2.95 purchase to keep a seven-year-old quiet would turn into a lifetime hobby? This rule may also be the reason for racks of thimbles and magnets, which are standard at all tourist destinations.
Rule No. 5: Everyone loves irony in their souvenirs. There are the snowglobes from Hawaii and Bermuda swim trunks from Alaska that seem to tickle our fancy. My favorite are the bumper stickers with slogans such as "I got bombed at White Sands, New Mexico" and "Hooker, Oklahoma, it's a destination, not a vocation."
Of course, there are a few worthwhile items that we pick up on vacation. One of my friends from Topeka, Kan., visited Las Vegas, Nevada, for the first time and brought back a husband and a marriage license.
I would have settled for a T-shirt, myself.
Jennifer Latzke can be reached by phone at 620-227-1807, or by e-mail at jlatzke@hpj.com.
Date: 5/11/04
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